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Life story
September 16, 2008
 

Your very 1st ultrasound picture 09/16/08. 12 weeks & 2 days.  Also the first time I heard your heartbeat.

 

 

  


   

 

The first picture of your tiny little feet.  November 17, 2008.  22 weeks & 1 day.

 

 


 

 

Wow, how you were growing!  Such an awesome profile picture!  So excited to find out you were a boy today!

 

 

 


 February 16, 2009 an angel arrives at 9:30 a.m. weighing 6pounds 2 ounces & 19 1/4 inches long.  All the hopes & dreams we had for you are gone in an instant.  Our lives will never be the same again.

 

 

 

 


 

 

Steven, you will leave forever in our memories & hearts.

February 16, 2009
 

 It was in July 2008 that we found out we were expecting a new baby.  This was going to be our third child. We were so excited because we had been trying to conceive for over a year.  Before this conception we had also tried for a baby for about a year when we found out I was pregnant ,but then after only 8 weeks was told I had a blighted ovum & would have to have a D&C.  We had been wishing for a very long time for this next pregnancy.  We found out I would be due on March 29, 2009.  I was so nervous the first trimester because I thought I might have another blighted ovum or suffer a miscarraige because I had also had two previous miscarraiges before our two girls were born.  I felt much relief once I was able to hear the heartbeat for the first time & had my first ultrasound at 12 weeks.  Everything was looking good so far. On November 17 at 22 weeks I had a second ultrasound.  We found out that day that we would be having a boy! Laughing  We were overyjoyed!  This was to be our first boy!  We could not have been more happy!  This was also to be the first grandson on my side of the family.  Immediately we knew we would name him Steven James.  Steven after my father & James after Tom's father.

 

      The New Year came & everything continued to be going well, I had finally reached the third trimester & was beginning to count the weeks until you would arrive.  My days were consumed with getting the room ready for you, decorating, washing all the clothes & toys we had for you.  I was obsessed with all things baby!  I was more prepared then I ever was with my other two pregnancies.  Everything was going to be perfect! 

 

       However, somehow at 34 weeks something went very wrong.  You had always been a very active baby, moving all over the place.  Thursday evening while laying in bed I felt two very strange movements from you.  It was as if you were twisting around.  It felt & looked like you were going to pop right out of my stomach.  I told daddy what strange movements you just made, but didn't think much more of it.  Over the weekend we were very busy with big sister Taylor having her first dance competition.  My mind the whole weekend was consumed with worry about you.  It didn't seem as though you were making any movements.  I kept trying to tell myself that maybe you were moving & I just didn't notice because we were too busy.  I thought perhaps I was going to go into labor soon & that's why you weren't moving as much.  Never did I want to let myself believe that something horrible had happened.  After complaining to daddy all weekend that I didn't think you were moving, he made me call the Dr.  In my stupidity I had been putting this off because I did not want to bother the Drs. on the weekend & was worried that they would think I was only a paranoid woman.  The Dr. told us to come on up to the hospital to be hooked up to a monitor.  They told us this was the standard procedure & everything was probably fine.  They say people come in for this all the time & after a short period of monitoring are usually sent back home & everythings o.k.  We started to feel relief when the nurse told us the baby was moving & that's why she was having a little trouble picking up a heartbeat.  We were much more relieved when she found the heartbeat & strapped the monitor on.  I was still a little concerned because I noticed the heartbeat wasn't as loud or fast as I thought it should be.  A few minutes later the nurse said she thought she was picking up my heartbeat & not the babys.  I was so nervous as she tried again to find the babys heartbeat.  After a few moments she asked my husband & children to leave the room.  At this point I knew life as we knew it was over & all our hopes & dreams for our precious new son would come to an abrupt end.  She called in another nurse to help find the heartbeat with a special doppler.  Next they called in the Dr. to take a chance.  They had my husband come back to the room & found someone to sit with the children.  They called in an ultraound technician who confirmed, no there was no beating heart & it looked like he had been gone a couple days.  Cry  This was the absolute worst moment of my life. I was in total shock & disbelief.  How can his happen?  Babies are not supposed to just die in the womb when they are perfectly healthty.

 

       The Dr. then gave us our options for delivering Steven.  We choose to go with a c-section because I did not want to go through hours of labor for a baby who was all ready gone.  They sent us home that evening since it was later in the day on a Sunday & told us to come back in the morning for the procedure.

 

       On Monday, February 16, 2009 at 9:30a.m. our precious angel baby Steven was born Innocent weighing 6 pounds 2 ounces & was 19 1/4 inches long.  He was a beautiful boy with lots of dark wavy hair. 

 

 

 

       An autopsy was done as well as several other tests.  Everything came back perfectly normal.  We were told there was nothing wrong with any of his organs as well as nothing genetically wrong with him.  Basically he was a perfectly healthy baby.  Which leaves us wondering, "Why".Cry


 

 

 

 

 

February 16, 2010
 

Today is your first Angelversary. Me, Dad, Taylor & Brooke celebrated by picking out balloons for you. We each attached a special message to our balloon. We intended to send the balloons up to heaven to you, however it did not quite go as planned. Their balloons all got stuck in the trees & mine wouldn't even go up! The girls picked out cute little stuffed animals to leave at your gravesite & Daddy & I left roses for you.  We went home & had a little cake for you with a candle in it & sung Happy Birthday/Angelversary to you. Unfortunately the cake was awful! We were able to have a few laughs on this sad day after all. What I will remember most about today is the special people who called to let us know they were thinking of us & the one person who gave a card. Those are the things that you don't forget about. Happy Angelversary sweet boy!

February 16, 2011
 
Today is your two year Angelversary. We celebrated by taking ballons to your grave on Sunday. We picked Hawkeye colors & tied notes to them & sent them up to the sky. We also put some Valentine's balloons at your grave with a little stuffed dog attached. Today I brought you a little stuffed bear. We got cupcakes & sang Happy Birthday to you & blew out your candles. I watched your video. I will always love & miss you baby boy. You will live forever in all of our hearts. Please let me know you are near. Love forever, Mom
February 16, 2012
 
Today is your three year Angelversary. I have many things planned in your memory today. I made a donation to Kennedi's Kisses to help other angel babies get gravestones. I bought Memory books to donate to the hospital for others who lose their little Angels. Grandma Michelle is going to donate the clothes she bought for you to a baby born today at the hospital. It is time to let them go. I am going to get an Angel food cake for this special day. We are going to decorate a paper lantern to send up to you. We are also going to get balloons for your grave & of course some special stuffed animals. I bought new flowers for your grave also. Thinking of you, Mom Innocent